Monday, July 26, 2010

No Shoes


Haven't posted for quite some time; though it would seem that I can't pinpoint the reasoning as anyones fault in particular, but more as something that just happens with no one to blame.

I could, for instance, say that not posting is because I've been traveling, though that would be a lie because while true - what is better to blog about than travel stories.

I might also blame being an american teenager. Why sit on the computer and talk when I could be enjoying one of my last free summers?

I could drop girls, jobs, family, or the feeling that no one wants to read what I say all as valid excuses; but what it boils down to is not why I haven't been posting, but that I haven't been posting at all.

Now I can't promise I'm going to be posting on any sort of regularity, but I can promise that if the thought even crosses my mind, no matter how stupid or worthless the idea is, I will be sure to stop by.

Okay.

So since the start of summer, I haven't really worn shoes at all. I've been kicked out of 27 public places, suffered 2 minor gash wounds, and been gawked at an incomprehendable number of times. The bottoms of my feet are pretty ridiculous now (a friend and I actually picked the hottest day to walk laps around the Walmart parking lot), and I'd be willing to bet the callouses on my feet are stronger than most of your shoes. Rocks, glass, thorns; it ain't shit now, I just brush it off and keep walking.

I would also go as far to say now that I'm a master at hiding it from store employees. Here are a few tips:

1 - There's a certain distance that makes your feet widely visible; 10-30 feet. If you can avoid being in this range, whether inside 10, or outside 30, you should be solid.

2 - Side entrances are your friend. Speaks for itself really; less people = less eyes.

3 - Avoid shorts. Bare feet are much more noticable with shorts. I prefer to have long pants that are centimeters from scraping the ground, for the extra cover.

4 - Walk quickly and use obstacles like people or clothing racks or any other type of merchandise to seperate yourself from employees and the death spot - cash registers. Be a ninja.

5 - If you ever have to enter any sort of food establishment, get as close to the counter as you can as quickly as you can and use it to block the lower half of your body.

6 - Be confident. Make eye contact and act like you know what you're doing. They can't look at your feet if they are looking at your eyes. Be the alpha male.

7 - As a general rule, most people just won't care. They'll either think your crazy and not want to mess with you, or generally just not notice because they are too wrapped up in their own robot bullshit. The people who do care, only do so because its their job. Avoid them.

Share/Save/Bookmark